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Susan Evensong

Dungeon Master Orange

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"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Dungeon Master Orange

Dungeon Master Orange: Admin; Posts : 4880
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Post n°1

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Sun Mar 15, 2015 11:54 pm

You awake to find yourselves within a jail cell. Musty, drippy, iron bars, and lot of stone surround you.

The mustached tiefling bandit you know as Crumnley Woodwell rises to his feet, and scowls at the sight of your new home. "Fuck."

He thinks to himself for a moment, recollecting his thoughts, and sighs. "Look, I fucked. My research was bad, which probably cost us the heist. The be fair, however, how was I supposed to know that trolls would even read books, much less attend a book signing in a fucking raincoat?"

He turns to face the rest of you, looking somewhat puzzled. "Oh, Susan? I.." His words trail off for a moment, as he tries harder to think back. "You.. were you there with us even? I apologize if you were but I swear I don't remember you coming along with us. Hell, I don't even remember seeing you for.. two months maybe."

At that moment, you notice a wooden panel move in the stone flag-stone ceiling above you, and a television screen slowly lowers down in to your cell. It appears to be off.

Susan Evensong: Posts : 6292
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Post n°2

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Mon Mar 16, 2015 12:12 am

The look Susan gives Crumnley is positively withering. She has never paid that much attention to him before, let alone directed this sheer force of apparent rage at him.

"Why am I here? WHY AM I FUCKING HERE? I WILL TELL YOU WHY I'M HERE!"

Susan marches towards the group in a fury, points at Ethyel and shrieks
"YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!"
She pauses and looks at the rest of the party and corrects herself
"YOU ALL GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!"

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Giphy

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Giphy

Her logic is that traveling with these people has softened her and convinced her to feel feelings. This is all their fault. And Niklas' fault I suppose.

Last edited by Susan Evensong on Mon Mar 16, 2015 12:48 am; edited 3 times in total

Azazel: The Executioner; Posts : 6157
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Post n°3

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Azazel Mon Mar 16, 2015 12:26 am

Azazel paces around the confined quarters of the cell mumbling to herself.

Damned human justice system. Why did I go along with this god forsaken scheme anyway? Maybe Demetri's right about the uselessness of mortals.

Stopping suddenly in front of the door, she grasps the bars of the cell with a growl and begins to shake them.

Susan Evensong wrote:
"YOU ALL GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!"

Ceasing her futile shaking, Azazel tilts her head at Susan and watches the woman fume. She produces a bag of popcorn, takes a seat on the bench against the wall, and begins to munch. Can't wait to tell Demetri about this. As much as he hates to admit it, he loves the mortal drama.

Chance Gardyloo

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Post n°4

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Chance Gardyloo Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:41 pm

Chance kept her eyes closed. If she didn't open them, then maybe it won't be true. Maybe the cold stone floor she was laying on was in fact an old tavern floor. Maybe she had fallen asleep after a warm dinner and pleasant company. Maybe the whole troll fiasco was just an odd and extremely vivid nightmare.

A voice was talking from behind her somewhere. Apologizing. She thought it was apologizing. An awful lot of coarse words for an apology. It mentioned trolls and she clenched her eyes shut tighter. Not real, not real, not real....

Another voice, tight with barely controlled rage, snapped.

Susan Evensong wrote:YOU ALL GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!

Chance's eyes snap open at that. Her usual exasperation at finding herself in another jail cell after another adventure gone sideways evaporated as she looked to where Nightsoil was sitting.

"Just how drunk was I last night?"

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°5

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Mon Mar 16, 2015 7:34 pm

Crumnley takes a step back from the shrieking bard, and turns around, proceeds to the nearest corner, and sits himself down in it. A moment before burying his head in to his hands, he notices a sorceress and a toad also lying in the cell with them.

"Wait. Who the hell are you?"

Etheyl Woodwell

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Post n°6

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Etheyl Woodwell Mon Mar 16, 2015 7:45 pm

Susan Evensong wrote:"YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!"

All poor Etheyl could do for a few seconds was stare at Susan, mouth actually hanging open as she struggled for words. She glanced sidelong at Crumnley, practically begging for a lifeline, but he was clearly keeping away from this one. Etheyl was mostly a "people person", and had spent enough time around Susan to have experience with her...personality quirks, but this was too much to process. Her brain had utterly stalled. Finally, she managed to force a response that was really more of an exhale than an actual sentence.

"...Whaaaaaaaat...?"

Obviously she was missing something. A lot of things.
The confusion and mystery of the cell were the least of her worries right now.

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Post n°7

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:11 pm

"YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR 'HELPING' AND YOUR 'KINDNESS' AND YOUR FUCKING 'FEELINGS'!"

Susan pauses to gasp for breath and stands even closer to poor Etheyl.

"I WAS JUST FINE BEFORE I MET YOU PEOPLE! NOW I FEEL THINGS! YOU MADE ME FEEL FEELINGS!"

Susan's shreiking stops for a moment and is replaced with a hiss.

"If you are thinking about getting all fucking mushy because I have feelings DON'T. I swear to god I will kill the first person who says 'aww'. Feelings may work for you BUT THEY BLOODY WELL DON'T WORK FOR ME! Feelings make you make mistakes. FEELINGS MAKE YOU SLEEP WITH STUPID SMUG BASTARDS! NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!?!"

Pausing to collect herself Susan looks at the wall of the prison they are standing in.

"I think I am done now."

Susan lifts her remote control, hits a few buttons and stands back as an array of magic missiles hit the wall.

Last edited by Susan Evensong on Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°8

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:11 pm

The member 'Susan Evensong' has done the following action : Roll them dice!

'd20' :
"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Forumdice11

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Forumdice11

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°9

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:21 pm

Dungeon Master Orange wrote:The member 'Susan Evensong' has done the following action : Roll them dice!

'd20' :

With a flash of blue light, the stone wall explodes! Bits and pieces of shrapnel fly out in all directions, bouncing gently off of your bodies.

Wait. What?

You look down. The shrapnel appears to be made out of foam-board. The cell is made out of foam-board.

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Post n°10

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:25 pm

"Oh what the fu- you know what I don't even care."

Susan clenches her fists and marches out of the hole the the cell. As the rest of the party looks at her questioningly she explains.

"I am going to go KILL SOMETHING!"

She is gone for a few minutes before suddenly popping her head back in.

"Well? Are you fucking coming? Or would you like to remain in the god damned cell?"

Before leaving again.

Etheyl Woodwell

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Post n°11

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Etheyl Woodwell Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:44 pm

During Susan's entire rant Etheyl had been searching her mind for strategies to combat this pregnancy-hormone fueled rage. (Okay, to be fair it was probably normal Susan. Etheyl wasn't sure when those kicked in anyway.) Minute differences in Susan's face hinted that, just maybe, motherhood actually terrified her just as much as these feelings they'd...made her...feel? Yes, this rant was fueled by fear, Etheyl reasoned. Or rage. This was Susan. Probably rage.

Hug her? Oh god no. Seriously. This is Susan.

Maybe objectify the situation. Make it sciencey, maybe? Susan, I'm sorry for changing things for you. I never intended to make your life difficult. Whatever happened, though, only has to be what you want it to be. Organisms want...well, sex. It was just your physical body taking over. Oh, who was she kidding, she didn't know science, not really.

Bring up the father? Aw hell no. Best to avoid bloodshed.

Maybe if she--

Oooo-kay. She's done now? Okay. She'd clearly overthought this. Too many feelings again, eh? Hm. Fair enough. Still, Susan had unnerved Etheyl enough that the woman exploding the wall actually made her...feel better. Status quo. She could handle this kind of wierd.

Etheyl picked up a piece of the foam board and messed with it a bit as Susan stormed out. Bent it, hit it against her shoes as an investigation, so on...then threw it aside. She sighed with some relief, and started to follow Susan...until her mind processed what happened while Susan was verbally flaying her. The monitor. Hm. Chances were no one trapped a foam cell, right? She stretched up and clicked the television on.

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°12

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Tue Mar 17, 2015 1:05 am

Outside the cell walls, you see a long stretch of stone hallway extending both to the north and south. At least what you are now declaring north and south. Both directions fade in to darkness.

Meanwhile, the television has been turned on. On the screen, you see the obscrured, close-up image of an effeminate man (dressed in long silky purple robes, half open), sitting at a desk. The view appear to be at level with his left elbow. The man appears to be quite focused on something off-screen.

You are fairly certain it is Demetri, self proclaimed "Demon King". If you do not know him, you will soon.

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Demetr10

Etheyl Woodwell

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Post n°13

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Etheyl Woodwell Tue Mar 17, 2015 1:13 am

Oh, of course. Who else. Not posing well this time if she was understanding the camera angle correctly. Etheyl hadn't seen a camera or microphone, but she wasn't entirely sure she cared. She casually picked out an appeasing hunk of foamboard and preceded to throw it (as hard as you can throw foam) at the monitor.

"OY! JERK!"

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Post n°14

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Azazel Tue Mar 17, 2015 1:25 am

Azazel stares blankly at the screen for a good minute before grabbing a handful of popcorn and lobbing it at the screen. "Etheyl change the channel. I'm tired of this show."

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Post n°15

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:47 am

Susan marches angrily down the hallway looking for either an exit or the person responsible for trapping them here.

"Hellloooooo I know you can hear me. I'm not in a great mood today. You can either show yourself, or, let me out. If you fail to do so I will burn this entire place to the fucking ground

Intimidation +6

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°16

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:47 am

The member 'Susan Evensong' has done the following action : Roll them dice!

'd20' :
"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Forumdice3

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Forumdice3

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°17

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Tue Mar 17, 2015 2:30 pm

Crumnley looks up to see the Demon King on the screen. "The fuck, he wasn't there too was he?"

However, Demetri doesn't seem to have noticed your party. That, or he is incredibly proficient at ignoring you. He continues to be focused off screen, muttering to himself.

"....that's it? What did that even.. hrm..."

Meanwhile.

Susan's yelling and screaming attracts no response or results, however, her stomping does yield something new. As her temper tantrum hits the ground, the stone-colored balsa-wood floor breaks, causing her foot to get stuck.

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Post n°18

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Tue Mar 17, 2015 4:06 pm

With an almost feral growl Susan wrenches her foot out of the floor.

I hate everything!

She yanks open the nearest door that does not appear to just be painted on and marches through.

Perception check to find the exit.

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°19

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Tue Mar 17, 2015 4:06 pm

The member 'Susan Evensong' has done the following action : Roll them dice!

'd20' :
"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Forumdice17

"Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure Forumdice17

Azazel: The Executioner; Posts : 6157
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Post n°20

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Azazel Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:06 pm

Azazel's lips twitch into a small grin at Demetri's incompetence with modern technology. She stands up and moves closer to the screen. With a gentle pat on the head, she lifts Etheyl and moves her to the other side of the cell.

Returning to the task at hand, she glances at the wires on the tv and starts to tear down the wall and ceiling near by, following the wires to the source.

Etheyl Woodwell

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Post n°21

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Etheyl Woodwell Wed Mar 18, 2015 1:50 pm

Etheyl blinks.

"Huh. Okay."

She should be following Susan but...curiosity, you know.

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Post n°22

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:14 pm

Susan finally manages to find the exit. Emerging into the light of day she sighs.

"I could really use a drink..... wait... maybe I'll just have a ciga... oh GOD DAMN IT!"

Susan turns on her heel and stalks back into the building.

I need to ask Etheyl what one does when they don't drink or smoke...

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°23

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:11 pm

Azazel finds that the wire leads directly up through the ceiling of the jailcell. However, her investigation is interrupted by a change on the screen.

"huh.. Oh!" The Demon King notices, than adjusts the camera to face directly towards himself."Um. Mwaha, why yes.. I suppose I am a jerk, my darling Etheyl." Demetri gestures towards the spot that Etheyl was standing, before being moved elsewhere by Azazel. "But it is clear you have fallen.. in my trap! And now, you are at my mercy. The whole situation is just.. delicious, wouldn't you say?"

Meanwhile, as Susan doubles back towards the jail cell, she notices a doorway she hadn't before. Inside is a vast room that drops about 15 feet on to a bed of spikes. Crossing it is a large, decrepit wooden rope-bridge. On the center of the bridge stands an armored skeletal knight. On the far end of the bridge, around 80 feet from you, sits another doorway, with a hallway leading past it. And within the doorway, stands a man you know by many names: The former Duke Finchester, the Dark Wizard of Son Tanusia, the fabulously-haired warlock known as Zieffar del'Mar. He is also accompanied by his wife, Ameilia. They wave at you. Zieffar cups his hands and shouts to you. "Susan! How lovely it is to see you!"

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Post n°24

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Susan Evensong Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:25 pm

Upon spotting Amelia, Susan shudders and considers turning around and walking away.
"Not really in the mood for pleasantries today. What is with Boney MacSkinnyBritches?"

Dungeon Master Orange

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Post n°25

Re: "Whelp" : A Vaguely 5e D&D Adventure

Post Dungeon Master Orange Thu Mar 19, 2015 4:00 am

Zieffar laughs. "Ah Susan, but you are always pleasant to speak to! But I understand." The warlock turns his attention to the skeleton, and points his cane at it. "As for this one, he has been standing here for a few minutes not doing anything; he appears to be a bit bone-headed, if you know what I mean. Ha! Tell me Susan, were you planning on joining Ameilia and I over here, or shall we meet you over there?"

Meanwhile.

Crumnley stands, and walks up to Etheyl. He leans over to her, and says, "I have no idea what I should be doing right now." as he watches Azazel tearing up the walls and ceiling of the jailcell.

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